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Invasion of the Bugs

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Categories: Humor and sarcasm; Experiences and daily life

Word count/read time: 489 words; 2 minutes

My previous shop was in a new building on ground level without any rodents, bugs, flooding, snakes, etc. My soon-to-be ex-shop is on ground level and built into a hill. Flooding caused many nightmares so the property manager cut a perimeter trough in the floor to control it.

There have always been many different spiders. Unless they cause an instinctual reaction, I won't swat them. The really interesting ones become my pet for a few days while I learn about them. Gotta have some fun, right?

The creepy crawlies came in. The first year was millipedes. Slow, harmless, easy to corral, no noise or smell. Every morning for about two months I'd be greeted by hundreds of them on the floor. Must've been a brood that was disturbed as they haven't returned since.

Flies were the next year's fare. Way more annoying, definitely more dangerous, they are not a good thing no matter how it's viewed. Maybe it was related to the trough thing. I didn't find any maggots so they were coming in from somewhere. This building is so drafty and poorly sealed that each room has its own weather system.

This year it's crickets. Four of them in four days to start with. Harmless - shit, it's food for some. They chirp the universal frequency of "Get the eff out of my head!"

Tracking them down is difficult because they sense you coming and shutup. Their chirp echoes off everything. With so many things to hide behind it becomes the quest for the Holy Grail. I found it best to listen for the faint quasi-rubbing/grinding sound that precedes the chirp; it is more directional provided you're within earshot.

This cricket must have nine lives. On the second assassination attempt it slipped into Middle Earth, which is the (indirect) air intake for the furnace. It runs underneath the cement floor to the other side of the shop. Talk about an echo chamber!

I was offered a token for my effort. Another cricket was boldly making its way across the floor towards the cricket I was stalking. Did the first cricket use its mind-control powers on this sacrificial decoy? A handy book put a quick end to its venture, which was now being thrown away because the Rorschach it left behind was neither small nor pleasant!

Later in the day, ninja cricket made its way to the other end of the intake vent some 30ft away. I poured a bucket of hot soapy water down it. He took a scalding Dawn pyroclastic tsunami point blank! I'm hoping the soap messes up his chirping mechanism. Maybe the heat was enough to cook him? Grilled gryllidae, anyone?

As we say in New England, I'm gonna blow this clambake. The bugs and every other creature that I've fended off for years can have the run of the place in about 25 days, thank you very much. I will miss my spider friends.

Posted by M: July 16, 2021

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