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I'll Believe in AI When...

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Categories: Humor and sarcasm

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The AI explosion is being groomed to tackle or outright take over everything. From writing poetry, creating paintings, fake job interviews, or analyzing facts and figures, hardly a day goes by without some revelation. Doomsayers, naturally, have endless fodder to promote their I-hope-it-doesn't-come-true conspiracy theories.

AI started with seemingly innocuous but passive-aggressive phone menus that tried to infer what you wanted. It presented a bunch of options amidst hanging up on you or endlessly returning to the beginning. It continues with automated quasi-intelligent systems that (attempt to) answer your questions as if it was a real person. Fail!

Searching for things online has become more difficult thanks to AI. Search engines think you mean one thing because they sensed a "typo" and give results accordingly. Putting quotes around a word is more meaningless than ever. Sometimes 95% of the results are irrelevant. Please, let me think for myself and search exactly what I entered.

More AI is definitely coming. Likewise, it will be increasingly difficult to determine what is real or fake. Can you even believe the answers? Because it'll be AI making the fakes and then AI trying to weed them out. Isn't that a conflict of interest? I need a lawyer.

Speaking of lawyers, one got fined for using AI to write a court briefing. It was just as good at lying since it cited numerous non-existent court cases and supposed quotes from the judges who issued the imaginary decisions. It resulted in a $5k fine along with a formal reprimand and note of apology.

I'll believe in AI fully under one condition. Well, make that two and surely more to come. I'd like to see it catch all those criminals who prey on people by sending spam, phishing, and other solicitous (digital) correspondences. Surely it can be used to end their antics permanently, blockchain technology be damned. It's a moot point, really, much like drug testing for athletes: The cheaters will always be a step ahead.

Learning models harvest information from the internet. The content, veracity, and intelligence of most things posted online are getting exponentially worse. We are training AI to be just like humans: idiots all around. Thus, conspiracies, bias, racism, lies, fake news, and sexism have already corrupted the system. As AI begins to train on its own (flawed) generated material, it will accelerate the decline.

For some - and it's getting more and more as we dumb down society - AI is a godsend because they lack the "I" portion of the AI. Artificial is better than none, right? It's OK to have low intelligence but lacking critical thinking and cognitive skills, something that has nothing to do with how smart you are, is not. AI can't fix that and I'd argue it exacerbates the deficiency.

Which brings me to my real reason. I want machines and equipment to feel pain! So when I smash them for being a piece of crap, they get hurt. In true liberal fashion, a civil rights group would certainly enact legislation to protect these inanimate objects against abuse, neglect, or harm. Screw the EASY button, I need a PAIN button!

Posted by M: September 14, 2023

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