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Collectibles: Trash or Treasure?

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Categories: Instruction and information; Humor and sarcasm

Word count/read time: 532 words; 2 minutes

The collectible fad has repeated itself countless times over the centuries. The tulip bust in Holland several hundred years ago plays out every year with oodles of new items: Cabbage Patch Kids, Tickle-Me-Elmo, Beanie Babies...and those are just dolls! It plays out much faster in the internet age; fads may only last a few mouse clicks.

Franklin Mint arguably began the most recent iteration of subscription-style collector sets and trinkets. They were marketing geniuses though mismanagement, lawsuits, bad publicity, and the market tanking tainted their later years. In their heyday they were untouchable with the best sculptors, engravers, and other artists at hand.

One comedian had a snippet about rednecks and their fascination with collector plates. You know you're a redneck when you've spent your entire retirement on collector plates. Have you seen some of these travesties? It constantly amazes me what percolates from the depths of cyberspace.

Let me set the scene. Anxiously awaiting their new arrival, the family swarms the mailman. Junior is jumping up and down, mom is putting her apron away, sis is getting antsy, and baby just dropped a mean number two. Barking dog by his side, dad is ready to open the package, saying, "Calm down everyone. We will all get to enjoy the plate (that he paid over $500 in 2015 dollars) in a minute!"

Who thought of making a series of plates as ridiculous as some of these? It's one thing when a quirky collector goes bananas over the new plate. To have the audacity to make tens of thousands and convince people to buy them at crazy prices? Someone's gonna make money and it probably ain't you.

This isn't an attack on the artists who contributed their designs. Exactly who gets excited when the new McDonald's or CocaCola or Pepsi plate arrives? Gold Medal Flour anniversary plate? Or the cartoon cat, teddy bear, unicorn, whale, fish, doll, bird, moose, grizzly bear, wolf, cow, woodchuck, and dog plates? Seasonal, landscape, and fantasy plates are always a good waste of fine porcelain and 24kt gold trimming. As are motorcycles, planes, trains, and automobiles.

But John Wayne, Sinatra, Princess Diana, baseball greats, and Elvis?? Looney Tunes, Little Rascals, Simpsons, Gunsmoke, Flintstones, Three Stooges, Campbell's Soup, Peanuts - is nothing sacred? Freddie Mercury from Queen got his own set of twelve plates! It would seem improbable that any Harley owner would purchase a cheap cartoonish square porcelain plate depicting a bunch of hogs in front of the drive-in! Well, maybe to use as skeet.

Even the silver, gold, sterling silver, and other precious metal plates NEVER demand a premium over their original asking price (in current dollars, disregarding spot value). Their value is intimately tied to the precious metal market. There is little collector value.

Change the word "plates" in this entry to any other item marketed by these companies and it would still hold true: figurines, sculptures, fobs, etc. The only items that appear to have value are made with precious metals. Still, you'd be lucky to get spot price even with all the paperwork, cases, letters, documentation, and original mailing packages.

So the answer is mostly trash. And those who thought otherwise? Mostly trash, too.

Posted by M: October 29, 2015

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