Categories: Humor and sarcasm; Experiences and daily life; Human nature
Word count/read time: 568 words; 2-1/2 min
Consider this a cliffnotes version of scapegoating a customer.
I am an expert, not because I am the jerk doing it but
because those who sell or attempt to sell silver and gold are some sketchy dudes.
The best method is to immediately and thoroughly screw things up to
set a precedent and lower the bar fully.
Repeat this several times to determine how far to push the customer but
make sure you can salvage the situation when needed.
Issue a disclaimer early in the process. Always blame someone/something else
so it won't come back to haunt you.
Maternal figureheads, religious icons, and the un-named or imaginary co-worker are good pansies.
Repeatedly lie, too. Gingerly mix it with pre-scapegoating. Lay the foundation now
to freely insult the customer later. Do it all at once and you've blown your cover
so gradually increase the intensity.
Communication is the best tool.
Nothing gets done without it so use it sparingly! Less is better. Less, actually, makes the customer
more irate and they'll write additional complaints.
Ignore them. No better way to create a difficult customer than to not acknowledge
their frustrations.
Nothing buys more time than a customer who complains up the ladder. You can easily add another week
or few to whatever is happening, sometimes much more. It bolsters your case because now you have
proof that you are dealing with a difficult customer.
If contracts have numbers, fudge them. Add hidden charges, quadruple charges, unrefunded charges...anything to
jack up the bottom line. Make up stuff. It is incumbent on the buyer
to rectify the errors. Don't offer any excuses. Be condescending
and belittling when they ask for clarification.
Your last defense is that
it was a (skeleton, artifact, or old template) contract and you (forgot to change some numbers, sent the
wrong copy, etc.). This alone should buy weeks of time as the new contract has to undergo
forensic scrutiny. Then, screw up the numbers once more just because. To pass this off
as a "legitimate error" you will have to issue your ONE apology now.
They will be SOOOO desperate that it'll buy more time.
You have now established that the customer is "one of those customers."
It becomes much easier to pass off your
company's incompetence as the customer's problem. You can say things like, "They have it out to
get me. Just look at all these emails and phone calls!"
The more delays the company has,
the more complaints that get lodged,
the less serious any singular complaint becomes until it's fodder.
At the end of the day the company will tell themselves that they were just doing their job
and a fine job they did!
They showed this "demanding and unreasonable customer" who the boss is.
It undermines the customer's credibility while allowing someone to excuse their behavior
because it's just a difficult customer. Never mind that the company's negligence
harmed you. Despite doing everything as a buyer to avoid
being conned or manipulated, a determined seller always gets their way. You are the problem
because the seller is perfectly fine with their unethical behavior.
People have mastered being offended at the slightest provocation. When they're called out
it only enrages them more. It is particularly disturbing when they deny any part in the
mischief. Do they walk away
thinking they are honest and forthcoming? Do us all a favor and keep walking away.
Posted by M: July 4, 2022
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